Chapter Thirty-three

The next several days went pretty much the same for Zoey.  She traveled to Germany and photographed the Romanesque Cologne Cathedral in Cologne and the Theatiner Church in Munich. In both cities she wandered the streets, taking pictures of whatever struck her fancy.  She sat at a small table in a terrace café in Munich watching the people go by.  She found herself making up stories to fit their appearance. There were several businessmen. One in particular rushed past her in a blue suit and tie. His face was flushed with color and his shirt and tie seemed so tight that it looked as if they were suffocating him.  He was having an animated conversation on his cell phone and Zoey assumed that this call was the real reason for his red face.  Perhaps he was talking to his boss or maybe his wife. Someone on the other end of the line was clearly displeased with him. He crossed the street hurriedly and for a moment she worried that he might be hit by a car as he was so involved in his call.  The car horn did not seem to phase him in the least and Zoey determined that car horns must be commonplace for him.  A young woman with a baby stroller stopped beside her. She checked her watch and Zoey imagined that she was meeting the father, who must be late.  Zoey could see the child nestled in the stroller. He was small, but chubby with very round little cheeks and thin, blond hair.  He was very interested in his fingers at the moment, his baby bottle discarded beside him. Zoey watched him hold his hand up to his face and move his fingers in and out making a fist.  Zoey figured that he couldn’t be more than 6 months old.  She was enjoying watching him when he stopped making a fist and look directly at her.  His eyes were so blue, it surprised her. He smiled at her and made a sound that must be a baby laugh. She was enchanted by him.  His mother fussed with him and handed him his bottle just as Daddy stepped up to them. He greeted his grumpy wife with a peck on the cheek and then took his turn fussing with the chubby baby. Zoey found herself watching them walk away until they rounded the corner and were out of sight. There were several tables occupied at the café now. It was nearly lunch time. Most of them were businessmen and women who Zoey had always been curious about.  She thought it must take a certain kind of person to do the same job day in and day out. Perhaps they were stronger than her, but she had never been able to master that. She had been lucky to always find something that brought great adventure to her life.

“Zoey!”

She looked up from her coffee to see a man approaching her. A smile covered her face and she rose to greet him.

“Hello, Parker. How’s the new daddy?”

He pulled her into a quick embrace.

“Wonderful! I’ve brought pictures!  Bailey Marie can be quite loud when she wants. Can you still see the circles under my eyes? I think perhaps I will actually get some sleep now!” he laughed.

“And how is Elizabeth handling it?”

“Like a pro. She was born to be a mother!” he exclaimed with pride and brought out the baby pictures.  The first ones were of the child at the hospital. She was so tiny and red that Zoey was alarmed at first, but the next pictures were over the next couple of days and Bailey was a more normal color. She had a small amount of very dark hair and large eyes.

“What color are her eyes?”

“Right now they are brown, but they may change. I don’t think it is likely though. Lizzie has brown eyes and so do both her parents.  They will probably stay brown.”

They chatted about the baby for a few more minutes. Zoey learned that Elizabeth’s mother had come to stay while Parker was gone.

“Works better for both of us, really. I will miss being there, but it is only a short time and I will not miss seeing Pamela,” he said with a snicker.

The waiter stopped at their table and they ordered some lunch.

“Do they not have good food in this country? You have gotten so thin, Zoey. Don’t you like European food?”

“I am not skinny,” she said looking over her loose clothing. “The food is fine here. I guess I haven’t had much of an appetite.”

Parker looked at her perplexed. “You must tell me what I’ve missed. I want to see your pictures.  How was Moscow?”

She swallowed a bit of coffee.

“Moscow was beautiful.”

Chapter Thirty-two

Budapest was beautiful, but it was covered in a gloomy haze that lasted two days.  Zoey had hoped to capture the magnificent towers of Matthias Church against a blue sky.  She had waited until dusk today in hopes that the sun might come out, but it never did.  The street was usually a bustle of activity during the day, but the rain had driven people in. The church was shrouded in a mist that added to its Gothic appearance. The sunset put the towers in an ethereal glow that made a good photograph.  Zoey heard soft singing from inside as evening mass was being held. The sound floated and hung in the air making the lonely street all the more desolate.  She put away her camera and started her walk back to the hotel.  The dampness was getting to her. Her clothes were not actually wet, just damp and heavy and cold.  The mist seemed to seep through them and penetrate her skin, leaving her chilled.  She could hear her footsteps eerily echoing against the buildings and her body shook with a chill unrelated to the cold.  There was a scruffy, black dog in the doorway that she just passed.  He didn’t bark. He just sat there barely acknowledging her presence with a lift of the eyes. He just sat, shivering as she passed by. He served to remind her how alone she was.   Parker was to join her soon, but she hated to have him leave the baby.  She was doing her best on her own. But at times like this, she really missed having someone there to make her feel safe.  Her mind started to wander to the day she and Alex strolled down the streets of Moscow, window shopping, she would call it.  Stop it, she told herself.  It didn’t do her any good to think about him. It only made her feel like a crushing weight descending on her chest.  She pulled her camera bag closer to her and quickened her pace. 

The warm light from the hotel dispelled her discomfort.  The hotel had gothic architecture on the outside, but was minimal contemporary on the inside.  It was not the Hotel National, but it was nice and it was quiet.  The people that she came across there were friendly.  She opened the door to her room and secured it behind her.  It was dim in the room with only the overhead light on. She promptly turned on all the lamps in the room.  She had left the curtains open and she crossed the small room to close them.  She stood for a moment trying to see out into the city, but the darkness and the mist made it impossible.  Closing the curtains made the room seem even smaller.  It was comfortable though and clean and nice and it was very quiet. She didn’t expect the luxury of the Hotel National anyway.  She turned on the television to banish the silence and began downloading her pictures and working on edits and emails. She had lots of photos of Budapest.  She had filled the last two days walking the city. Some of the buildings were still a mystery to her, but she liked the looks of them and they made lovely pictures. 

She sat back in the chair and rubbed her eyes. She looked at her watch. She’d been working on the computer for 2 hours.  The chatter from the television was low and Hungarian so it provided a calming noise without being a distraction. But she was still surprised at how much time had passed.  Her back was aching from sitting in the chair.  She stretched herself out on the full sized bed and stared at the people talking on the TV.  It was some game show. The contestants were running a kind of obstacle course.  It was amusing even though she didn’t understand it.  Her eyes began to get heavy.

She felt his hand take hers.  Hers was almost lost inside his large paw.  She looked up at him and smiled.  He grinned back at her bashfully.  The breeze was cool as they walked down the street. There were children playing in a park across the road. Alex pointed at them and laughed.  She loved the sound of his laugh.  Suddenly, he was across the street with them, playing with them.  He had a ball and was tossing it with one of the boys, playing keep away from another.  The second was laughing and jumping up to try to get the ball from him.  Alex tossed the ball again and looked back to her.  He stopped laughing and looked at her with concern.  She had tears falling down her cheeks.  He came back across to street to her and wiped her tears.

“Do not cry, Kroshka.”

“I love you so much Alex,” she said. “Why can’t we be together? Why don’t you love me?”

He brushed the hair away from her face and lifted her chin so that she looked him in the eye.

“I do love you, Kroshka,” he whispered softly, kissing her lips and holding her tight. “I do love you.”

Zoey woke to the small empty room, quiet because the game show had ended.  She rolled over, buried her face in the pillow and wept.

Chapter Thirty-one (translated from Russian)

He was still fighting with himself as he bounded through the doors of the Hotel National.  He headed up the stairs in the foyer when Dmitry called out to him.

“Mr. Ovechkin, is there something wrong?”

Alex considered ignoring him, but hesitated long enough to say, “I need to see Ms. Simmons.”

He started back up the steps and was halted by Dmitry once more.

“But, Sir, she is not there.”

Alex turned back to him, crossing the room quickly, “Where then?”

Dmitry’s face fell. Alexander Ovechkin was a very imposing man and it seemed this news might not be something he wanted to hear. 

“She is gone, Sir,” he said, as matter of fact as he could manage under Mr. Ovechkin’s piercing glare.

“Gone? Where?”

“She has left already for Budapest.”

“Her flight wasn’t until this afternoon. Why has she left already?”  Alex’s voice held a note of panic that was not lost on the concierge.

“Sir, she called down earlier this morning and asked for my help in getting an earlier flight,” he said as gently as he could.

“Earlier? WHY?”

Dmitry hesitated, reflecting on the conversation.  The girl had been quiet sad. She was a very kind woman and despite himself, Dmitry had found himself looking forward to her smile and the kind word that she would have for him each day. She never failed to say good morning to him and call him by name after he had insisted upon it the first day.  She had never demanded anything. When there was something that she had needed, she always asked with gentleness, as if he would be doing a favor for her. She was the kindest American that he had ever come in contact with. When she had asked for his help in getting an earlier flight, he had been happy to help her.  When she had come down, she had thanked him for making her stay so comfortable.

I will miss Moscow very much. It is so beautiful here, she had said and he could see the tears brimming in her eyes.  She had taken a deep breath and waved at him before she stepped into the taxi. He found himself being quite sad for her, knowing that the city was not what she was going to miss most.

“She said she needed to go. She was ready, but her flight was not for hours. She said she wanted to get to Budapest earlier, if possible.”

“When did she leave?” Alex asked, his tone still hopeful.

Dmitry looked at the clock on the wall behind him and sighed.

“Sir, her flight would have left over an hour ago,” he said slowly. “I am sorry.”

Alex let out a defeated sigh.  He walked slowly back out to his car.  The sunshine mocked the gloom inside him. 

She was gone.

Chapter Thirty (translated from Russian)

Alex stood up from Mishka’s couch and threw the Wii controller across the room.

“This stupid game!” he growled angrily.

“Hey, man.  Don’t break it!” Mishka complained, retrieving the controller and inspecting it.

“It already broken. Don’t work right.”

“It is not. What is wrong with you today?”

Alex just sat back down and grumbled.

“Is this about the American?”

“Her name is Zoey,” he said quietly.

“Oh, so good-bye was full of tears, was it?”

“Nyet,” he stated. “Just good-bye.”

“Oh? She made it easy for you then. You should be happy!”

“What do you mean?” Alex questioned him.  He was still in a cross mood and Mishka hesitated before answering him.

“Olga talked to her. She said that Zoey was talking about watching you play hockey.  She seemed to think that this girl really expected the affair to continue,” he said cautiously. 

“Why would Olga think that?” he asked.  He was confused. This did not sound like the girl he said good-bye to this morning.

Mishka hesitated again.  He did not like the way his friend was acting. This American was gone now and things could get back to normal. 

“Sasha, you enjoyed her, now it time to move on. Why does it even matter?” he said, exasperated.

Alex got to his feet again and moved closer to his friend. “What did Olga say to her?”

“Take it easy, man. She told her not to get her hopes up. That it was a summer thing, that you could never choose a girl who wasn’t Russian. Come on, she did you a favor.”

“It none of her business. And not yours either.” Alex brushed past his friend and flung the door open.

“Sasha! She just a girl!”

The BMW roared down the road.  He questioned himself the whole way.  They could not be together for lots of reasons. He lived in a world she knew nothing about. He didn’t know anything about hers either. And she was not Russian. This would never change. Yet, still he found himself rushing back to the hotel. He had to talk to her. He had to know. Did she love him?  Did she put on a good face to save him from feeling guilty?  Did he break her heart?

He didn’t know why it would matter. Everything Mishka said was true except one thing.

She was not just a girl.

Chapter Twenty Nine

She took a deep breath and turned around. The room was dim and quiet and empty.  It was too quiet.  She quickly turned on the television and though it was in Russian and she didn’t understand much of it, the sound was soothing and dispelled the overwhelming loneliness in the room. She brushed away a single tear defiantly and pulled her luggage from the closet.  She tossed the case on the bed and unzipped the empty bag. It would not take her long to fill it.  She busied herself in the bathroom, putting away her toiletries, finishing her hair. She had many things to pack. She had collected a few things in Moscow and St. Petersburg that made her wonder if she could make it all fit.  She smiled to herself thinking it was a good thing the hand painted Russian dolls could nest inside each other.  She remembered the story Alex told her when they purchased them.  His mother was not home very often when he was small. She was competing in basketball at that time.  But every time she would have to leave again after a visit, he would find the same nesting dolls sitting by his bed.  There would be a small prize inside, sometimes it was only a coin or a piece of candy, but it was always there and always had something just for him inside.  He said he knew she was thinking of him.  She never failed to remember to do it and so she never failed to remember him.  The story touched Zoey so much that she had to have those dolls.  She smiled as she nestled them into her luggage.  These dolls were painted with animals.  The largest was, of course, a bear.  She had already picked a spot for them in her loft in New York.   There was a bright window sill in her bedroom where they would reside when she finally got home. 

But home was still far away and she must think of Budapest now.  She opened each of the drawers in the chest and removed her clothes, depositing them in the suitcase neatly. She had done a really good job of distracting herself with packing until she reached the last drawer. She opened it and her heart dropped.  On the top of her pajamas was a red t-shirt with the Capitals logo on the front.  She had worn his shirt to sleep in just the other night.  Hesitantly, she reached inside the drawer pulling it out.  It was very soft.  She lifted it to her nose and held it against her cheek.  It still smelled like him.  She sat on the edge of the bed and took a deep breath.  I will never smell that again, she thought.  She buried her face in the fabric and the tears finally took over.  She slid down the edge of the bed to rest on the floor and wrapped her arms around her knees and cried.  The grief overtook her for a few minutes. Her mind raced with thoughts of his touch, his kiss, the way it felt to have his strong arms around her.

 Why? her heart screamed. Why did she have to meet him?  She’d been doing just fine all alone. She’d been alone for a long time. She didn’t need him. She didn’t need anyone.  Why did he have to come into her life, make her love him and then break her heart? 

The tears streamed down her cheeks and she angrily brushed them away. 

“I wish I’d never met you,” she said out loud, wadding up the t-shirt and throwing it across the room.  She sniffed and stared at the t-shirt.  She took a few deep breaths.  She didn’t mean that.   It sounded completely ridiculous to her.  He’d given her so much joy the past two weeks.  No, she was not going to waste her energy or tarnish those memories by being mad at him.  She got to her feet and crossed the room to pick up the t-shirt.  She held it briefly to her chest, then folded it carefully and placed it in the suitcase.   

She busied herself with the rest of her packing and sat back down on the bed when it was completed.  She glanced at the clock on the nightstand.  Four hours.  There were four hours left until she needed to leave for the airport.  She sighed.  She glanced around the empty room and made a decision.  She picked up the hotel phone and dialed.

Chapter Twenty-eight

She was sleeping next to him, her fingers entwined with his.  Her hair still smelled faintly of vanilla. He liked the way she smelled.  He loved how soft her skin was. One of his favorite things was having her sleeping in his arms.  It made him feel strong and powerful that she felt safe and comfortable enough to sleep with his arms wrapped around her.  Her soft breathing was very soothing, but it was his turn not to be able to sleep. He kept seeing her smile.  It was different now.  She clearly had leaving on her mind. She hadn’t wanted to talk about Budapest. He was bewildered by her. She acted like everything was okay. She didn’t seem upset, just quiet. He had been afraid that she was attached more than he expected.  He didn’t want to hurt her. But it seemed he was wrong about how much she felt for him. There had been no talk of trying to see each other again, no heartbreak that he could see.  He had to admit, the idea of not seeing her anymore was a little unsettling for him.  He would miss her.  But he had to go back to the States and it didn’t matter what he felt, it wasn’t something that was going to continue. It was impossible.  She had her own life and he was going back to his. He’d wanted their last night to be one to remember. He didn’t think it was one he was likely to forget.

She stirred slightly next to him. She made a quiet whimper.  Her body twitched.  She seemed to be dreaming. She stilled again and he closed his eyes hoping for sleep before the morning creeped up on him.  But in just a couple of minutes she groaned in her sleep again. He rubbed her arm gently.  Suddenly, she sat up crying out his name. 

“Kroshka?”

“Oh, Alex,” she turned and buried her head in his chest, clinging to him tightly.

“I am here,” he shushed her and stroked her hair. She was trembling.  “What was dream?”

“I… I was running and I couldn’t stop.  I was trying to get somewhere, but it kept getting farther away instead of closer. There was something I was supposed to find.  And then there was something behind me.  I don’t know. It made me scared.”

“You called my name.”

“I did?” she asked.

“Da.”

“Oh, well, I don’t know. Maybe I wanted you to wake me up,” she smiled at him weakly and he kissed her lightly on the forehead.

“Is it time to get up?” she asked.

“Not quite yet. Close your eyes. I am here.”

They dozed for a little while longer, until the sun was no longer creeping, but clearly present.   He looked at her with his sleepy, blue eyes and her heart threatened to break.  She kissed him softly and ran her hands along his strong, bare arms one last time.  She breathed deeply and tossed back the covers, slipping out of bed.  He caught her hand as she stood, stopping her.

“Just a quick shower,” she said.  He pulled her back toward him and kissed her again before nodding and releasing her hand.

She let the warm water envelope her, carrying all her cares down the drain.  She refused to mourn yet. She took a deep breath and allowed the stream to soften her tense muscles. She was afraid she would not be able to say good-bye without crying. She didn’t want to let him go. She didn’t want to go to Budapest anymore. She didn’t want to go home. She didn’t want to be away from him for a second.   Tears brimmed in her eyes and she quickly washed them away under the shower.

Stop it Zoey, her mind scolded her.  You do want to finish your book. You don’t want to stay here forever. He will be leaving anyway.  Besides, you will never be Russian.

She dried off and slipped into the soft white robe hanging on the back of the door.  She took a deep breath and left the bathroom.

He was already dressed, sitting on the edge of the bed.  It took her a little by surprise. She had expected him to still be in bed. But clearly, good-bye was here sooner that she’d thought.  He walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her.  She closed her eyes concentrating on the smell of him, how strong his arms felt around her.

“I have to go to gym this morning and to see Mishka.  I thought you would need time to pack.”

She nodded against his chest.  He held her for a long time until she finally looked up at him.  He took her face n his hands and gently kissed her forehead.  Then he kissed her one last time, deeply, but quick and whispered against her lips.

“Good-bye, Kroshka.”

And he turned and was gone.  She pushed the door closed and rested her forehead against the cool wood.

“I love you, Alex,” she finally said when no one was there to hear.

Chapter Twenty Seven

He followed her into the room.  It was almost dark with only a faint glow coming from the window.  She took a deep breath. It was their last night and she felt as anxious as if it was her first time.  She felt his hands slide across her stomach as he enveloped her in a lengthy hug.  She leaned back against him, closing her eyes wanting to commit every touch to memory.  He brushed his lips across her neck lightly. She loved the feel of his warm breath on her skin. She loved the feel of his strong arms around her. She loved him, her heart cried.  He released her slightly and she turned to face him.  He was smiling that smile, the one that made her heart jump in her chest. She took his face in her hands and kissed him.  She kissed him hard and urgently.  She needed him. She needed him to chase away the pain that threatened to take her over. She refused to let him see how much she was hurting.

His hands rested on her shoulder and pushed her away slightly.  She looked up into his eyes bewildered.

“I want to go slow,” he whispered against her lips.

He brushed his fingers across her forehead, placing a lock of hair behind her ear. They continued their journey down her jaw and chin. She swallowed hard and bit her lip.  His hand travelled down her neck and across her collar bone and lingered there momentarily.  He fumbled with the top button on her blouse. She watched him lick his lips, that one simple action that aroused her like nothing else. He unbuttoned each button painfully slow, brushing the back of his fingers across her bare skin as he went. She tried to pull his t-shirt up, but he stilled her hands.  She had to be content with resting her hands on his hips.  Finally, he pushed the blouse from her and gently kissed her shoulder. He took his time running his hands across her skin, down her back and across her sides and stomach. She ran her own across his abdomen and tried again to remove his t-shirt.  He allowed it this time. She rested her small hands against his chest, feeling the warmth and strength in those muscles. She kissed him lightly between his pectoral muscles. She felt his nipples harden and smiled against him.  He kissed the top of her head and pushed against her again.  He ran his hands up her back again and squeezed the clasp of her bra together releasing it.  He slid his fingers across her shoulders, pushing the straps down her arms.  The tips of his fingers brushed against her stomach again on their way to her breasts.  She could hardly contain her gasp when he finally brushed his thumb across her nipple.  She tried to do the same to him and he grabbed her hand and held it against his chest. He shook his head at her with a crooked grin, denying her once more.  He didn’t give her long to be frustrated with him. He swept her up into his arms and lay her on the bed.  He kissed her hard and deep at first, then he slowed and his kiss became soft and gentle.  She wanted him now more than ever. Yet still he tortured her with his leisurely caresses. He kissed his way down her chest and toyed with her breasts one after the other. He slowly grazed his tongue across her nipple sending shivers up her spine.  She slid her foot behind his knee and he allowed her to pull his between her legs.  He sucked her nipple into his mouth and rubbed his hand up her thigh and under her skirt.  She reached for the button on his jeans, but he stopped her once again.  It was almost more than she could stand. How could he be content to fondle her when all she wanted was to have him inside her!  She whimpered his name as his kisses continued over her stomach. She felt him chuckle against her skin. It was maddening how much patience he had and how much he enjoyed tormenting her.  He ran his hand across her knee and pulled it toward him as he angled his hips toward her.  It continued its journey up her leg and he squeezed her buttocks.  He kissed her breasts one last time and stood up before her.  He grabbed the waistband of her skirt and pulled it from her hips and tossed it to the floor.  Her panties joined them shortly after.  He began unbuttoning his jeans and she sat up to help. He placed a hand on her shoulder and pushed her gently back down on the bed.  She took a deep breath. He was so absolutely frustrating!  He went back to what remained of his clothes and she watched as he dropped them to his ankles.  She let her eyes devour him, traveling over every inch of his naked body.  He was a feast. 

He climbed over her, straddling her with his arms and sliding his hips between her legs. She could feel how hard he was against her, but he did not continue. He looked down at her with a smirk on his face. His eyes traveled across her face and her body and back to her eyes again.  She reached for him, but he grabbed her hand and pinned it to the bed above her head. 

“Alex, please,” she whispered.

He shushed her while he trailed his fingers down her body again. He moved her knee and slid his hand up her inner thigh.  He leaned over her and kissed her neck again.   He was making her crazy with desire. She wanted to touch him so bad. She struggled against his hands, but he wouldn’t release her. He kissed her breasts again, squeezing them and kneading them while his fingers explored the softness between her legs.  He caressed her with his tongue and fingers until she was nearly incapable of coherent thought.  He finally released his grip on her wrist and raised himself up on his arms again.  He thrust his hips against her, entering her after what seemed an eternity of waiting.  She gasped and moaned with pleasure. Once having complete control over her hands, she quickly plunged them into his hair and pulled his mouth down onto hers.  She was so hungry for him, but he continued to kiss her softly and slowly in rhythm with his hips.  She kissed his neck and across his shoulders, enjoying the smell of him, the taste of him, the softness of his skin.  She wrapped her hands around his strong back and held him tight. She closed her eyes, concentrating on every kiss, every sensation he gave to her.  He had his fingers entwined in her hair now. His breath was coming shorter against her neck. She could feel his heart pounding in his chest.  It was keeping time with hers.  She felt her climax shake her body, felt him catch his breath as his own shot through him and her simultaneously.

“Zoey,” he breathed heavily in her ear. He kissed her neck and buried his face in her hair.

“Oh, Alex,” she sighed.

I love you, I love you so much! her heart screamed, but her mouth couldn’t form the words.